whoa...WTF just happened

ok so the fact that I started this thing with full intentions of updating after every clinical vehicular and class,and the reality of it not happening,should be a fair example of the living hell I have just gotten out of. It left me beaten, exhausted yet,after all feeling like a bad ass. I finished. I passed. I am now officially terrified. To hell with the fact that I have been at this game for almost 10 years now, THIS was the game changer...That relative white cloud that has followed me so far in my career has started to darken. What once was a sense of elation when the tones go off,has now turned into a little heart attack each time. Don't get me wrong, I have every tool I need at my disposal, 2 other medics, off line protocols at my fingertips,and a doctor a phone call away,but DAMN THIS SHIT IS REAL!! every day I feel more confident in my decisions,my thought process,and my instincts, but the initial fear was something I have not felt since the very first call I ever had....I love this job